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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Shannon's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
1:11 pm
i quit.

good bye lj.
Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
12:14 am
this has felt like the longest day ever.

i didn't get to sleep until 3-even though i attempted to earlier.
i wasn't really pissed, it's just hard to go to sleep when there is a party in your hall.

had to be at work at 8.
opened and left at 2.
went to sketch 22 meeting.
did that till about 5.

went back to bart's at 7 and closed.

clowing sucks.
it's mostly grunt work like taking you the 8 trashes, three of them are HUGE.

and moping.
i hate moping.

so my body feels dead and i want a massage hardcore.

right not i'm more stressed about chicago then pumped.


things really can change in just a month.


i had a really cool offer the other day.
but it would change EVERYTHING in my life.

i'm very torn.

and please please please understand if i don't want to hang out this week.

i'm private person sometimes and i really like my space... and i get freaked out at the thought of a whole week without any breathing room.
so like i said, bare with me this week.

plus i'm due for my period in a week... which makes this week high on emotions.

i'm trying to keep things in check.

i saw SO many boobs last night.

okay it's freezing in here.
time to say goodnite to the housies and sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
Friday, March 5th, 2004
11:35 pm
all i can say right now is some people go through their lives never really falling in love.
or having someone who they just kind of like.

and it's times like these that i'm thankful for gen.

i love her.
i'm in love with her.

i would raise my kids with her.

no matter WHAT happens.
i know i have her.
and it's pure.

Vieve2001 (11:31:44 PM): so thankful
Vieve2001 (11:31:58 PM): you teach me how to live better just by being in my life
Vieve2001 (11:32:11 PM): you ground me and remind me of important passions

i don't care if you think it's fake.
or think it's cheezy.

cause i think you guys are lame.
and i hope i never have to see you again.


so there.
bitch.


hahaha.
Thursday, March 4th, 2004
9:45 pm
horay!

natick is good.
what the smiley face?
carlton is waiting for a dead spider to dry.
must go wathc bring it on.
Monday, March 1st, 2004
5:38 pm
oh man
Maybe it's the day.
Maybe it's because this year has a day that otherwise doesn't exist on any other typical year.

It seems absurd to me. We just made up a year to make it fit in time. We made it up. Time as we know it is made up.

I want to make everything up just so it... fits.

This weekend was strange.
Dave, from WPI emailed me.
You know, when we left that night and he was doing to stereotypical drunk guy thing and telling me I had pretty eyes and asking for my email address... I didn't expect him to actually email me. Never mind remember my name. But the next day, low and behold an email.

Not that I take anything like that too seriously. But it was flattering.

And the strangest thing happened today.


My first boyfriends mother-who I haven't really seen for more than a few seconds since I was 15 called me today. She is dating someone in NoHo and wanted to be in contact with me to have dinner or attend one of my shows. She said that she "missed me-and Ben hasn't had anyone like me since."

I don't know really what to think about it.

I do know the best way to describe the situation I have been drawn into is this:

I used to be a part of a clique. Now, because of miscommunications and back stabbing I've been kicked out. And now I know what it feels like to be on the other side.

It's really petty... and well it hurts.

It's like losing a best friend- and knowing it's for false reasons.

I hated 8th grade then, and I hate it now.

But I'm happy.
I should remember that.

Tried and true friends stay.

And who can beat that?
Sunday, February 29th, 2004
11:48 am
WPI don't mind if I do
First and foremost I had one of the best times ever last night and
I'm so glad that I decided to stay for the duration. It made me realize that I really haven't had that much fun in months. It reminded me of the monkey house last year-except with a lot more boys.

I hate making my lj a personal house for angsty emotions. But I was really hurt that people made it so clear I wasn't welcome. It's horrible that grudges will be held, and you'll be mean. Take it as you will. Pertain it to yourself as you will.

(I think it's hillarious that when I write things in my lj like that when someone reads it they automatically think I'm talking about them-I'm probably not.)


And it's funny I was a little bit angry about some small thing involving a boy-but reality snapped me back into it all. Or maby it was sobriety. Or even quite possibly the big red marker on my arm from some really tall guy named Dave that said I had beautiful eyes.

So all and all it worked for the best. Misty and Drex are as old school as we got right now and I was fucking proud to represent.

The rest of you are pussys.

The End.
Friday, February 27th, 2004
10:14 pm
I've got a chill I just can't seem to shake.
And a sinking feeling.

It has nothing to do with what I thought it would.
I mean the fact that I'm dirt poor and trying to figure things out.
Because surprisingly I have a hold on that.

Despite what my mom may think.

It has to do with my friends.
I feel like things are changing over.
I also feel like it's something that people can't understand.

Like having to go to bed early.
Or wanting to be alone.

I really have just wanted to be alone lately.
Not in an unhealthy way, but in a I'm trying to figure my shit out right now and I can't really handle other people's.
This isn't coming out like I want it to.
I know this sounds bitchy.
Damn.

Today I honestly couldn't speak to scott and get my point across about something silly that I literally had to write it down to figure out what I was trying to say.

I have become so cautious about things.
Like with Brad.
It didn't work out and I really hurt him.

But I have a crush on someone.
And I'm really standoffish.

Gah.
The end.
Thursday, February 26th, 2004
11:55 pm
can't out your finger on....
i think last night was really fun.
but today was not.

i'm exhausted.
and cranky.

i have become such a private person lately.
what happened to the shannon who used to love it when people were constantly around and who would come crashing into my house at all hours?

i hate this growing up thing.

i have a long day tommorrow.
and a lot to do.

man.

i like living alone.
Monday, February 23rd, 2004
7:57 pm
With this entry or my life.
The first time I read The Little Prince I knew that something changed.
It's a really beautiful story, but I got really sad.


I feel like I live alone now. Sarah is never here. I feel like I'm getting too used to it and I'm going to become frusterated when she starts coming home a lot. Not when she does, but when her and the boy do. This apartment is an ideal situation for two single people. As soon as you throw a third party into the mix it gets messy.

Cleaning my room today I realized that I collect and save too much.
I need to learn how to let go. Because otherwise, I can't function.

One time Dan Heyde and I got into his big white truck and got lost one night. And we didn't tell Vanessa about it. Mainly becuase we smoked pot, but also we knew she wouldn't understand. We told her we went mini golfing. I wish you knew how funny that is looking back on it.

Or even how funny it was at the time. Anyways I'm thinking about it because I beleive that today is her birthday.

I haven't spoken to her in 6 months.

Sometimes it just gets to the point where you can't go on with a person because your beliefs are too different. And if neither of us are willing to change then it's at a standstill.

I remained a good friend for 6 years. But it gets to the point where you just can't lie any more.

And you just can't respect their feelings.

I don't know where I'm going.
1:50 am
for some reason i have "i wear my sumglasses at night" stick in my head.
and i feel like i'm paying extra attention to my typing, because i know i've been drinking.
and i'm still not doing a good job.

anyways right now my mind is on a lot of things.
i can't expaline it.

i guess i can expain my state of being as being resallly hot. and flustered. and listenin to people upstairs.

i'll treghert this in the morning.

love,
me.
Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
10:38 am
kippy
My hair is in ringlets from the buns.

We went to the Harp last night for the Guiness toast at 11.

One of my regulars at Bart's is an older guy with a big white beard and really kind eyes. He works on his computer everyday and knows my boss Jack.

He was at the Harp playing Irish music with a huge group of people. I noticed him from across the bar and smiled, but I mean I didn't want to go over and say hi because a. he had a larger drum in his hand and was playing a song. and b. I mean all I really know about him is that he likes a single shot latte in a larger cup. However later on in the evening all of a sudden I see him walk over towards me. He came and sat down to say hi and have a little chat! It was adorable, and for some reason humbling. I mean here is this 60 year old man coming to chat with me at a bar. It was adorable. I felt really young what with my little buns in my hair and all-but for some reason I appreciated humanity a little bit more.

If that makes any sense.

This week goes down as one of the roughest in a LONG time.

Mission show tonight.
I forget what else I have to do.

Hmm.
Oh well.
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
7:47 pm
FIRSTS.
First best friend: susan forshner
First car: my 97 chevy which i stil have... the cobra...
First real kiss: ben leavitt
First break-up: ben leavitt!
First screen name: sfc2001 i think
First self purchased album: mmmm a greatful dead album i'm sure.
First funeral: my papa
First pets: minnie mouse my cat
First piercing/tattoo: i got one ear pierced when i was 5, because after they did the right ear i was too scared to have the left one done. so i only had one ear pierced for months.
First credit card: last year
First true love: first love-ben leavitt... first TRUE TRUE love tom craven.
First enemy: bailey andrews
First big trip: disney world when i was 5
First musician you remember hearing in your house: the stones

LASTS.
Last cigarette: sunday
Last car ride: 25 minutes ago coming home from the vag monologues
Last kiss: brad.
Last good cry: funny. i've been crying for three days.
Last library book checked out: mrs. dalloway
Last movie seen: dream for an insomniac
Last beverage drank: apple juice
Last food consumed: i'm eating cheese right now
Last crush: so this means a crush i DON'T have anymore? i'm still not telling.
Last phone call: carrie telling me to get to rehersal
Last time showered: 5pm
Last shoes worn: black rocket dogs.
Last cd played:the decemberists
Last item bought: a soda
Last annoyance: my lack of voice
Last disappointment: not allowed to talk about it
Last time wanting to die: 3am the other mornin
Last time scolded: last night
Last shirt worn: this really big one
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
3:40 am
tonight when i was driving home i payed extra attention to obey all the laws. i paused for three seconds at each stop sign and kept my speed down. i drove through one yellow light, but i kissed my hand then slapped the dashboard. someone asked me once why i did it to the dashboard and not the roof because apparently that's how it's supposed to be done. i told them it was because that's the way genevieve taught me. and it fits better.

i feel really lonely, and i hate the fact that things just aren't fair so often. i feel so fucking selfish and i need to become more selfless. blame these feelings on tonights occurances, but it goes way beyond any of that. it goes to all the times i have ignored phone calls, or broke plans, or put myself first. i guess maybe i just have to set higher standards for myself. i don't want to hate me but i do sometimes.

tonight i really want to go back to being 16. i want to sneak out to go swimming. i want dan heyde to throw snowballs at my window and then climb into my bed. i want to go back to the time before i had to move out of my mom's and before tom craven and i broke up. i want this all just tonight. just right now. just for a little while.

i'm so tired.
my eyes are really sore and my heart hurts a hell of a lot.

i'm working at 7.
goodnight.
Monday, February 16th, 2004
10:37 am
Grrrrrrrrrrrooooowwwwwwwwwllllllll
My belly is screaming at me right now.
No joke.

Got home from auditions last night and saw that the rest of my housies were at the ABC, so I threw a coat on and headed out.

I'm so glad I did.

But this morning, my belly isn't.

I'm not so much hung over as just.... grumbly?
My belly is just growling.

Maybe that's why they call the growlers at ABC....


hmmmmm...




Anyways, I suppose this is a good medium to put my small disclaimer about Mission Auditions.

It's really fucking hard to get into this troupe.
I didn't get in my first time.
Neither did a few other memebers.

Not getting in doesn't mean that you're not a good improver.
It just means you may not mesh well with us as a troupe right now.


I guess I just want to make that clear.
It takes more than a majority vote to get into the troupe so everyone who auditioned keep that in mind.

And know that you are good people too.

No matter what!


Okay I have to go and tame the wild beast that is my belly.

MWAH!
Friday, February 13th, 2004
2:27 am
Conflict of Interest
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | Parents/Loved ones death (stereotypical I know-but very true)
02 | Going FLAT broke
03 | Getting up before 9am tommorrow
---------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Steph Jones
02 | Everyone I saw at callbacks tonight
03 | Mike cause he came down drunk and was cute about it.
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | Improv
02 | Letters to Genevieve
03 | Compliments!
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | The Media
02 | Politcs
03 | Music Snobs
--------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | Anti-Gay protests
02 | Math
03 | Why I'm not in bed and up doing this
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | A computer I don't use (want to buy it?)
02 | A letter writing basket Gen gave me
03 | Family Guy dvd set
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | Sitting on my bed
02 | Realizing I still have my shoes and jacket on
03 | Sniffiling my nose
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | Raise a child
02 | Live with Gen
03 | Graduate from college
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | Drunk Free Style
02 | Run Bart's by myself
03 | Improv
---------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | Bouncy
02 | Emotional
03 | Sarcastic?
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | Sit still
02 | Say no to a boy who really likes me
03 | GET UP AT 8!!!!
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Your mom
02 | The Weakerthans
03 | Your gut
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | The State of the Union
02 | Drunk advice from me
03 | Mariah Carrey
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | "That's great"
02 | "That will be $1.35" (Price of a small coffee)
03 | "DEREK!"
---------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | Pasta
02 | Bart's Choco Chip cookies
03 | Mashed Potatoes
---------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | Milk
02 | Diet Coke
03 | Water
---------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | Small Wonder
02 | Inspector Gadget
03 | Days of Out Lives
---------------------------------------------------
RANDOM QUESTIONS:
1 | Spell your name backwards: yllonnoC dlaregztiF nonnahS
2 | How did you get your lj name?: I like puddles.
3 | Are you homosexual?: Always



Sketch 22 Audtions went well. It was really tough.
Party tommorrow.
Brad Sat.

We'll see.
Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
6:10 pm
smokinL69 (9:44:44 PM): you are baffling sometimes--lovely but baffling

i guess i just find that sweet and wanted to remember it.
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
11:05 am
I believe that a majority of my friends are making poor decisions.

Specifically myself, but we'll get to that.

I just see people making not only self destructive decisions... but decisions that are also destructive to their friends which also go against their own advice to their friends.

I know you may feel this is not an apropriate medium to talk about this, but it's my journal to vent so suck it up.


I feel like I've made some mistakes personally in the past few weeks. I can fuck with my own emotions all I want, but when it comes to other people thats where I get in trouble. I guess I just didn't expect to be
liked so much. However I know that this is a public journal and he reads it so it's best to be discussed personally rather than publically. However to my friends that I haven't been able to talk to about it... that's how I've been feeling. It's the best way I can put it for now.


So Mission is having auditions next weekend. That's fucking scary. For as long as I've been in the troupe it's been the 11 of us. We're connected even when it was with the oldies there. Now we are going to have NEW people. I'm so excited! But really worried about the process, especially cause I'm in producer position now.

I was a bitch last night and I'm sorry. I just got 2 hours of sleep, worked from 8-2, rehersed from 2 till 5:00, rehersed from 6-the show. Had the show from 8-10, and then notes. I didn't want to be spoken to or touched by the end of the night. It's exactly one week till my period.

AWESOME. Flowers, chocolate, and sappy movies are welcome.

I am so happy that after my performance today, I have NOTHING to do. I am going to come home here and just chill out.

Oh, and I love the MSN commercials. I'm cheezy, I know.

So, in conclusion watch what you do and who's life you affect.

Got that Shannon?

Love,

The Pot calling the Kettle black.
Friday, February 6th, 2004
10:52 am
I'm beginning to wonder if Sarah is conducting a social experiment.
She is presently in the kitchen making breakfast, I can smell the toast.

However her alarm has been going off in her room for over 4 minutes now.
I know she hears it.

Yet, she doesn't go in there to turn it off.

Would it be rude of me to go turn it off?
Does she just not feel like turning it off?
Is someone sleeping in there that is supposed to turn it off?


Okay.
She turned it off.
She tought it was mine.
That was 5 minutes of hell and paranoia.

I'm okay now.



Anyway apparently it snowed like a bitch last night.
And still is.
Brad is supposed to come up and see me tonight but if it stays like this I dunno.

I dunno about any of it actually.

Though I do have to work at 1, and that makes me happy cause it means I work with Karen.

There goes any chance of making tips today though.
Stupid snow.

Anyone wanna come in and tip me big so I can survive the weekend????

Just a thought.

Shower is in order. Pluse some cleaning.
And Toast.
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
10:07 pm
yes. my life could very easliy fall apart.
yes. i do have people that will help me fight to keep it up.


i feel bad about some stuff.
i think feeling is my problem.
i can't figure out what the hell i feel.

and i don't want to drag someone else along while i try and figure that out... it only fucks with their emotions-ya know?

i know i *like* him.
and know he likes me.

but i don't know if i could handle a relationship with him.
scratch that.


anyone.

i so totally thought that i could right now.

hi, this is me thinking out loud.
or... rather on the page.

whatever.

i'll figure it all out, right?

time for a good cry.

i mean sleep.
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
2:38 pm
Okay.

That last entry was pretty funny.
I woke up so confused this morning.

Anyways, this weekend has thrown curve balls at me hard core.

I'm really really confused.

Now I havew to go work.
That sucks.

Happy Superbowl.
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